Category Archives: Sex

Don’t Be Selfish

Piper gives an erotic blowjob

I read this article on xoJane and absolutely cringed. For a taste of what I’m talking about, here’s just the opening, before the rationalizing begins:

Recently, I had sex with someone and about 10 minutes into our romp, I had a great orgasm. The guy I was sexing, though, didn’t seem to notice and continued to thrust himself in and out of me, until I finally motioned for him to stop. I calmly explained to him that I had just orgasmed.

“Ahh . . . okay,” he responded.

I could tell he was upset. We laid next to one another, awkwardly, for a few moments.

“Is there something wrong?” I finally asked.

“Ummm, don’t you think that’s a bit selfish?” he questioned.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, I didn’t come yet,” he explained.

“And . . . ?” I responded.

So, yes, I do think that’s a bit selfish. If I hear one more thing about refractory periods, I’m going to roll my eyes so far into the back of my head that they might never come back around. Yes, the human body loses a little interest in sex once it’s had an orgasm, and this is true of both men and women to varying degrees from person to person, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t power through and be good, giving lovers who actually care about the other person with whom we’re in bed.

Generally speaking, this idea has been promoted more among men than women, so I guess this article is supposed to be edgy by taking it back and saying that women can do this too. While I’m all for putting yourself first and for not having gendered ideas of how sex should play out, this is the opposite of the way that should go. We should be lifting each other up (and getting each other off) instead of racing to the bottom. Unless you’re racing to be a bottom or do something sexy to a bottom.

So, just know that it is NOT okay to just look out for yourself in sex. Become an enthusiastic giver and you’ll be much more likely to get back, but also, that’s not the point. What do you think of this article? Any redeeming qualities? Or just plain old no?

Attempting Cosmo Sex Positions

Cosmo took to the streets to publicly demonstrate some of their oh-so-ubiquitous sex positions with an average couple to see how they work. I will confess that I’ve actually tried every last one of these positions, not because of Cosmo, just because I’m adventurous. At varying points of my life I have been really into yoga and sex, so I’m all for trying something, even if it means that I may or may not fall on the floor or take an elbow to the face. See: anything where I’m in wheelbarrow or bridge.

None the less, these positions are often not particularly sexy or all that stimulating, and many of them are exhausting or at least kind of dangerous. There are some that are great, though! Especially towards the end of video #2… They’re just variations on spooning or cowgirl where there’s actually a little more room for an extra hand or toy.

I’m quite a fan of Sexy Scissors. It keeps things tight, creates a good amount of friction and is good for controlling depth. The other one I dig is The X-Rated because, well, who doesn’t like a breathtaking view? I tend to date pervs. ;) Do any of these positions strike your fancy? And do you think any could potentially be repurposed to include a blowjob? I think there are a few with potential… Of course, every body is different, but maybe you might just find your next go-to position among these options!

Trying New Sexual Experiences

Laura giving a sexy blowjob in glasses.

A lot of people watch The Art of Blowjob‘s videos because they’re fairly aspirational to the type of sex life that facilitates regular enthusiastic blowjobs. With this blog, our social media outreach and any other ways we can interact with our members/fans, we try to show that any sex life can be that rich with the right attention and attitude.

Recently there was an article posted over at xoJane by sex therapist Vanessa Marin about exactly that… With mindfulness towards your sex life, there is so much that you can do to explore and subtly change things up without actually having to invest that much time, energy or money. I’ve included a few of my favourites here, but feel free to talk about your own in the comments section!

Use a scarf or tie to restrain your partner’s limbs, or have them tie you down.

Masturbate in front of each other.

Forbid yourselves from orgasming. Keep getting each other to the brink, then back off.

Try for multiple orgasms, even if you’ve never experienced them before.

Try to make more eye contact than you usually do. Try keeping your eyes open while kissing, or looking at each other while you orgasm.

Or tease each other mercilessly until one of you gives in and begs for more.

Yep. That’s all pretty hot. It may seem fairly obvious or simple, but sometimes that’s what you need to kickstart more exploration of fantasies and desires, or just to remind yourself to be present and in the moment when you have sex. What are some of your favourite parts of the list? Or what would you add to it?

The Day to Day Lives of Kinky People

Photo of kinky couple by Forest McMullin

Photo credit: Forest McMullin (http://forestmcmullin.blogspot.ca)

I find this photographic project absolutely charming and I think it’s the type of thing that’s important to share here for a variety of reasons. Photographer Forest McMullin has been shooting a variety of kinky and/or sexually non-normative people (what does that even mean?), both in their everyday “civilian” clothing and in their kinkiest moments and ensembles. The result is a series called Day & Night, showing that many people have dualities and sides to themselves outside of what they present outwardly. In this case, McMullin focuses on sexuality, but the larger message is that we all have much more going on than what’s on the surface.

Outside of the obvious messages to take away from the series, I think this is of particular interest to a lot of the people who like the work we do. There are stigmas and assumptions made about the types of people who like porn or who are “pervy” in any type of way, like that side of ourselves must be hidden, and certainly not celebrated. With photos like this, showing very clearly the alternate experience of a person, we are bringing it to light and celebrating it. There is nothing wrong with being kinky, just as there’s nothing wrong with enjoying porn.

We are always concerned about appearing/being “normal”, but this is “normal” for so many people out there. The only reason we don’t know it is because we’re encouraged to hide these sides of ourselves. This doesn’t mean you have to shout your love of porn or (insert kink here) off the rooftops if it doesn’t work for you, but there is value in being mindful of the fact that openness doesn’t necessarily mean automatic shame.

Oral for Occasions

Renée shows off her stunning body

Today I wanted to tackle a perhaps slightly unconventional sticking point: is oral sex (or any kind of other sex for that matter) an appropriate gift? Answer: yes, but only assuming it’s also happening all through the year.

My sentiments are very much echoed in this excellent piece (with pictures!) over at Suggestive Tongue. Don’t get me wrong… Oral sex is always an appropriate gift to top off a special day, but (assuming you want it) it should be a part of many many days. As Lorelei so clearly states:

Women shouldn’t have to wait until their birthday to have a partner that will go down on them. Men shouldn’t have to wait until Christmas to get some head. Couples in sexual relationships ought to work on communicating desires openly and honestly each day of their relationship as these desires and other needs come up.

If you want something, just say it! Make your desires known! And try to anticipate the needs of your partner by being enthusiastically giving, too. This doesn’t mean that the fire and passion doesn’t wax and wane at times, but if you have to circle the calendar to give or get pleasure, there are some serious issues to be worked out.

Sometimes sex needs to be made extra special, especially if schedules and sickness and travel have made it hard to carve out the time needed to really truly luxuriate in each other’s bodies… I have certainly had many birthdays where, after the dinner or the party or the gifts, there’s one more thing to do… A smorgasbord of all of my favourite sexual indulgences all laid out before me. That is absolutely amazing and you should give this a try some time. It’s become my favourite gift to give and receive.

I think the delineation between giving sex as a gift and withholding most of the time and giving sex as a gift as part of a larger healthy sexual relationship has been made clear. What do you think about sexual gift giving?

Male Birth Control… Coming Soon!

Vasalgel male birth control

Photo of Vasalgel courtesy of cdn.pratique.fr

We here at The Art of Blowjob love cum. We also love safer sex, getting tested, knowing your status and all of that incredibly important stuff… But we really love cum. In many cases, people opt to go without barriers after a period of getting to know/trust each other and establishing relationship parameters, whether that’s for procreation or recreation. Nothing’s foolproof, of course, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s been heavily eroticized to go without condoms and experience raw sex, cum and all. For those of us who are totally NOT trying to have babies right now, the onus has been on women to pay for/effectively use contraceptives for quite a long time…

BEHOLD THE FUTURE! There’s a brand new kind of birth control that’ll be available for men in just a few short years! It’s called Vasalgel. There’s no hormonal component, it’s a one time thing and it can be reversed simply and effectively. It’s kind of like a vasectomy without any of the pain or invasiveness. Okay, so it is a shot of polymer right into your vas deferens, which might not sound like the most fun, but it’s over in a heartbeat and there are not supposed to be any weird side effects like you tend to see when you tamper with testosterone.

Now, the kinks haven’t all been totally worked out yet, hence the 2017 release date, but they’re quite optimistic that this could completely change the face of sex. Since hormonal birth control isn’t an option for all women, it can fail if not used 100% correctly and it can cause some pretty unpleasant problems for those who do choose to use it, this opens up potentially a much better, more foolproof method of having unprotected sex.

What do you think? Is this the wave of the future or does the thought of a shot to the vas deferens sound like a deal breaker, even for the possibility of worry-free (provided everyone is tested and using precautions in their lives) sex? I’m curious. It sounds great to me, but then again, I’m not the one with the penis.

Scenes from a Sex Club

Sexy spanking with Sophie and Anja

“Hey, Sophie! What did you get up to last night?” “Oh, you know. The usual. I went to a sex club with a bunch of people I knew in many different ways and we were all okay with this.”

So, there’s this sex club in Toronto and I love it. I go there fairly regularly for swims and a sexy change of scenery. Once in a while the porn collective I help out with throws a special night there once in a while, full of live porn shoots and little side events. I was there to shoot a very sexy mutual oral scene (behind the camera, not in front this time!) and then to enjoy myself.

Who was there? Well, people I’ve dated, people I’ve had sex with, people I’ve shot having sex, people who have appeared on The Art of Blowjob, people I’m very good friends with, oh, and two people from the choir I was in as a child. You know, cause that’s a thing that happens.

You’d think that this might create some awkward moments, but I think that working in porn has officially made me comfortable with sexuality on a nearly complete level. It’s actually really nice.

As I sat there in the dungeon with my sweetheart, listening to my charming New Zealander pal reading Tom Robbins as he received a blowjob (they had a live couple version of Hysterical Literature as one of the side events this month) I felt nothing unwelcome, even though this was someone with whom I had no kind of sexual feelings or interactions. It was just nice to know that my friend was having a good time, and I was really proud of him for being so brave!

When I (figuratively, not literally) bumped into someone I’ve shot in the throes of passion while swimming naked, we exchanged pleasantries and caught up with no focus on our bodies, or the people having sex next to the pool. It’s there, it’s the reality, but there was no need to gawk.

Standing in a circle near the hot tub, having a conversation with a bunch of people from the porn collective, they made light of how my robe was gauzy enough that it only provided the illusion of coverage. Because it was so playful and I felt so safe with everyone there, this was just funny, not even slightly creepy… Especially since it was bookended (HA!) with talk of what we were reading lately.

Seeing a brief ex flirting with one of my choir friends from bygone days just made me happy to see two people who might get along, well, getting along. And then getting it on. There’s not a lot of privacy in this club. I was happy to see him out of his shell, and happy to see that she had grown into an awesome sex-positive person.

I don’t know exactly what all these sexy but simple tableaus mean in the grand scheme of things, but I know that this feeling of ease is very nice. This is what it could feel like if sex wasn’t seen as such a shameful thing. What do you think of sex clubs? Would you go to one? And how would you feel if you saw someone (or many people) you knew there?

Cockring Fitness

Cock ring for fitness

After extolling the virtues of the Ambrosia Vibe and the KGoal, I’ve become a magnet for any new technological toy out there. Kevin sent me this gem, and I think I want it. Although I don’t talk about it much on the blog (and maybe I should change that!) I’m actually quite into health and fitness. It’s not about a size or a number, but it is about using my body and treating it nicely.

Personally, I’ve always been a bit more of a dance/yoga kind of a gal, but I dabble in running as much as sports bras will permit, and am certainly an advocate for walking all over hell’s half acre at a reasonable clip. As a result, I dig pedometers, but there has been no way to include them in sexytimes… Until now! Introducing the SexFit: the world’s first cock ring pedometer! It measures your thrusts, estimating how much you burn per thrust and per minute. Of course it has an app via Bluetooth (what doesn’t?) but guess what! It vibrates too! Those vibrations can even be used to keep thrusting in time… That said, that sounds more conducive to a vigorous workout than it does to being a sensitive, aware lover. I’d hate for technology to turn fitness-seeking folks into jackhammers!

You may be wondering why I, as a penisless person, am excited about this? Two words, occasionally one word, often hyphenated: strap-on! I could easily put this around the base of any toy and use it on my partner, or even alone, though I might have to explain to my roommates what I’m doing thrusting around my living room in my harness to Let’s Get Physical… But that’s neither here nor there. The fact is that it could be an excellent trainer for those who are getting used to penetrating. Now I just want to make a workout mix featuring choruses of “Fuck me!” “Harder!” “Faster!” like some kind of extremely pornographic remix.

What do you think? Would you use one of these? Do you think it’d improve your sexual technique, or might it hinder things by making you focus more on your thrusts than on the person into whom you are thrusting?

What You Wish You Had Learned in Sex Ed

Now, even though I’m Canadian and therefore had a decent sexual education, I feel like I didn’t know nearly as much as I’d have liked to know about sex before I had it for the first time. I certainly didn’t know much about my own pleasure or how to advocate for it. I had to work through foibles and hardships to figure out how to communicate my sexual desires and feelings. It’s a joy to learn in a lot of ways, but there’s also a lot of confusion that could be alleviated. For instance: I also thought that blowjobs involved blowing. Luckily I managed to figure that one out long before I made it to The Art of Blowjob.

Although this is just another Buzzfeed video with food images (some of which are tenuous at best) it contains a lot of things that people didn’t know before they had sex for the first time that they wish they could have learned in sex ed. From the benign to the profound, these are all great tidbits of advice. I think this might have to show up in sex education classes, or at least make the rounds online to those who have never had sex, and even those who have. You’re never to old to realize that sandy vaginas are a bad idea, butt stuff requires warmup and lube is the best thing ever.

What are some of the things you wish you had learned in sex ed? For me, I wish they would have talked more about ways that using hands and toys during penetrative sex is a good thing, not an insult. How about you?

Cum Volume: Not That Important

 

I’d definitely say that one of my main aspirations is to help guys feel better about their bodies and their sexual selves, and I think that The Art of Blowjob is a really good influence. We show more averagely sized penises, we show a variety of sensations, indicating that not all bodies want the same sensations and we try to show that the pleasure is in the experience, not just in the end result. I tend to get a little up in arms talking about cumshot volume expectations, because I personally really believe that guys shouldn’t ever feel like less of a man because they don’t produce tons and tons of cum, but I think that this is important to repeat given that a woman straight-up shot her partner for not giving her a huge cumshot. What the what?

The human body is what it is, and it’s a source of great pleasure when we treat it nicely. Instead of having an orgasm and sighing and saying “Is that all?” about the amount of cum you come up with, celebrate the fact that your body is capable of experiencing such amazing feelings! Every orgasm is spot on. I mean, you wouldn’t expect every woman to have squirting fountain orgasms… They’re still just as sexy to watch and feel! In general, the more open we are to a variety of different different ways of experiencing pleasure, the more likely we are to find new ones and just plain have more of it!

I’d love to know what other common hangups you have around your bodies, your sexualities and your sexual selves, because I think making porn means that we have the tools to address these things both here on the blog and in our videos! So, let me know what else is on your mind when it comes to all things sex and we’ll see how we can make beautiful porn an example of an erotic space where men can come (/cum) and be themselves, however that may be.