Tag Archives: food

Chocolate Anus, Anyone?

Delicious chocolate anus

If someone offered you a delicious chocolate casting of their anus, would you eat it? That’s the question that some people will find themselves faced with this Valentine’s Day. Apparently chocolate anuses are a thing, and if you’re willing to pay Edible Anus enough for it, you can have a cast of your anus made to have your very own personalized confections. You know, the kind that are made to look like your b-hole.

Now, even though I am very pro-analingus, I might find this a little tough to, um, swallow. Frankly, I’d sooner go straight to the source when it comes to someone I love. That said, you can also get them cast in brass if you’d like a very expensive (nearly $2000) paperweight to remind you of your beloved’s behind all through the day. Think of it as an investment… An objet d’art, if you will.

That said, I used to be involved with V-Day and the Vagina Monologues back in the day, so I’m all too familiar with making and eating chocolate vulva/vagina pops. Anything that allows you to practice your cunnilingus techniques in style is good enough for me. And then there are chocolate penises filled with cream, for those of us who want to fellate something even more delicious and creamy than regular human penises already are.

What do you think of chocolate genitals? Are they going too far, or are they the perfect way to make Valentine’s Day hilarious and sexy and tasty all at once?

Ode to the Popsicle

Sensual licking of a popsicle

I was reading over Jezebel’s comprehensive list of foods that look like dicks (ranked) and I think that they got it wrong. The best dick-shaped food is absolutely a popsicle, not a burrito. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good burrito, but stick with me here…

We’re coming off a pretty hot summer and the weather is finally starting to skew cooler, but there were many many moments where a popsicle hit the spot perfectly, and immediately inspired the deep desire to give a blowjob as well. Other foods may be very phallic in shape, but the popsicle drips, begging to be licked up. It can have segmented flavours, requiring you to suck the tip or swirl your tongue around the base. It may even be filled with a creamy centre that could take you by surprise.

I know I’ve had many moments where I’ve locked eyes with someone while enjoying a popsicle in public. No, it never resulted in a clandestine moment, but a little lingering eye contact and a moment of tongue-on-treat-related innuendo likely caused a little stirring. Sometimes it’s just another way to distract from the heat. There are few things hotter than knowing that you probably set off a masturbation session when they got home.

It’s coy and innocent, yet decidedly teasing. But what do you think? Do you get turned on by phallic foods in action? Does a little tongue work to lap up a few errant drops get your attention? And, if not the popsicle, what’s the most erotic food to watch someone enjoy?

A Few Things About Sophie

sexy selfie of brunette Sophie

– I love to read. I have way too many books on my desk at any given time and at least a couple in my purse. My favourite authors are Dave Eggers, Italo Calvino, Miranda July and John Rechy. My favourite poets are Frank O’Hara, Leonard Cohen and Allen Ginsberg. My most recent favourite read is Drunk Mom by Jowita Bydlowska, which is depressing as all get out, but in a gripping way.

–  My sense of humour is verrrrry important to me, and it’s more or less shaped by the following sources: The Simpsons (only season 1-10), Arrested Development, Community (only seasons 1-3), 30 Rock, Clerks Animated, Achewood, Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law, classic Woody Allen movies (I have a problem with him, but I can’t deny that Manhattan, Annie Hall and Hannah and her Sisters left an imprint on my comedic psyche), Kate Beaton of Hark, a Vagrant and the comedy stylings of Jon Mulaney, Rob Delaney and DeAnne Smith. And probably lots of other things, but that’s what comes to mind. Suffice it to say, funny is sexy and witty banter is extremely important to me.

– I actually come from an all singing, all dancing background. I studied opera extensively, focused on jazz/contemporary dance and somehow parlayed that into directing/choreographing/vocal coaching for musical theatre, which I still do on the side. I’m also on and off in a really cool choir… Yes, such a thing exists.

– Relatedly, I have very little free time.

– Cooking and baking are some of my favourite things. I can whip up a risotto like nobody’s business, bake the best cornbread ever and make a mac and cheese that’d rival any mother’s recipe. And yes, I make many healthier options, too. My favourite thing is to infuse florals into my baking, so I’m always grinding lavender into brownies or using elderflower syrup in a cupcake. I also used to work as a cake decorator, so I have weird precision when I actually put my mind to it. I WILL bake you cookies.

– I realize I’m treading on well-worn ground, but I love Scotch. I’m half Scottish (and the other half is a mix of mostly Irish, some English and a smidgen of French) so I come by it honestly. I have a soft spot for Aberlour (especially the 15 year or the a’bunadh Spanish cask[!!!]), Oban, Glenmorangie, The Balvenie, Auchentoshan (18 year if possible, but I honestly quite like their 12 for everyday at home tippling) and, for my specific roots, the 18 year Talisker. I’m pretty open to different styles. I like it smooth, smoky, peaty, so I’ll also gladly do Lagavulin or Laphroig… Basically, if you have a decent Scotch, I’m there.

– When I’m not doing Scotch, I’m in it for a Hendrick’s gin and tonic, a dirty gin martini or a well-crafted cocktail from someone who knows what they’re doing and may or may not have basil, mint, rose water or lavender.

– As I have a musical background, I’m all about music. I love going to (smallish) shows and devour new music like some sort of a music-devouring animal. Some favourites include: Kishi Bashi, Basia Bulat, Sufjan Stevens, Beirut, Joni Mitchell, LCD Soundsystem, HAIM, Gentleman Reg, Robyn, Grimes, Evening Hymns, Caribou… Yeah. Lots more, but I don’t want to exhaust you.

– Outside of that which I’ve already mentioned in the comedy category, my favourite movies are West Side Story, Shortbus, Cabaret, The Muppet Movie, Me You and Everyone We Know, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Empire Records and, I’ll be real here, Clueless. My tastes are eclectic. As for TV, on top of the aforementioned humour-shaping shows, I have deep love for The West Wing, Orange is the New Black, Freaks and Geeks, Bob’s Burgers, Parks and Recreation, Louie, The Daily Show and the Colbert Report.

– So, documentaries are their own category because I love them so much. The Hot Docs festival is like my Christmas. My favourites of all time are: Beauty is Embarrassing, Paris is Burning, Bad Blood, Whores’ Glory, Serving Life, How to Survive a Plague, Punk Singer and so on. So much on. So much.

– A few of my favourite things: puppets (making, playing with, watching), makeup, green juices, very sweaty workouts, going to the nude beach, just about any sexuality-related social/political cause, yoga, brunch, cats and dogs, walking around my favourite cities, karaoke, doing little crafty things, Thai/Vietnamese/Indian/Mexican foods, playing my ukulele, tending to my little windowsill/balcony garden… The list goes on, and I’m sure I’ll expand on these various passions.

So, that’s (some of) me. What about you?

Making a Happy Set with Food and Supplies

Fruit plate photo courtesy of IWillNotDiet.com

Fruit plate photo courtesy of IWillNotDiet.com

So, a lot of our production is moving to Toronto because, well, it seems that it’s where all the models are! We’ll still shoot here in Montreal from time to time, but I’ll be shooting and editing the majority of the content from now on. I guess I get to add “director” to my CV!

At the Feminist Porn Conference, there was a lot of talk about what makes a happy and ethical set. Now that I’m going to be the person hosting the shoots (or going to performer’s homes if they prefer) I’ll be in charge of making sure that happens. This comes naturally to me. I love being a hostess and I go overboard. The joke is that, even if I’m hosting a little impromptu hangout, there is no need to eat beforehand because I will have an unreasonably substantial spread. I’m the type of person who makes a few pitchers of a “signature cocktail” when I throw a party. When I hosted a watch party for the new season of Arrested Development, I baked for 12 hours. Pies, muffins, cornbread, cookies… All thematically relevant and with their own punny show-related labels. I’m referred to as Sophie “Are three quiches enough or do we need a fourth?” Delancey in certain circles. I do the same when there are guests. Towels rolled up all nicely, an assortment of travel-sized bath/beauty products, cups, safer sex products, WiFi password and keys all set up on the bedside table. Basically, I’m a huge dork about making people feel comfortable and keeping them well-fed.

What will this mean for my set? I’ll be stocked with food and supplies. I’ll send out an e-mail before the shoot reminding people about how things are going to be set up time-wise, what to bring and I’ll also ask them if they have any dietary needs, favourite pre/post-sex snacks, safer sex products/lube/toys and/or any allergies/sensitivities.

The nice thing is that I always have healthy food around the house. I envision a little table with a little fresh fruit tray, some raw veggies, non-garlicy hummus or other breath-innofensive dips, some pita and/or crackers, maybe a little bit of chocolate, an assortment of caffeinated/decaf teas, filtered water with lemon wedges, maybe a selection of juices… See? This is the type of list that makes my heart fluttery. I’m a weirdbeard, I know. Basically, I want to provide things that’ll keep people feeling their best without making them feel overfull, tired, sluggish or, god forbid, gassy. Our shoots aim to be 1.5-2 hours max, so we’re not serving up a big meal, but I’d be happy to provide a favourite snack or two. I just want people energized and hydrated!

Equally important are safety concerns. I have an assortment of condoms, lubes (both in bottles and individual packs), gloves and dental dams. While we usually won’t likely use them (blowjobs are very low-risk and we’ll have STI test results, and that’s most of what we’re focusing on for now) we want people to feel confident that they can use them if they’d like. It could make for an interesting and different video! They can feel free to bring their own products if they’d like, too. The same goes for sex toys! I have a variety of high-quality sex toys that can be boiled, and I’d do that again in front of the performers so that they KNOW that everything is freshly sanitized… And they can use condoms on the toys, too. I have disinfectant spray for non-penetrative items like bondage items and impact play items. My set is going to be clean as a whistle!

Speaking of clean… Last but certainly not least, I want people to feel at home with creature comforts. Freshly washed robes, lots of fluffy towels, maybe even some slippers? Hypoallergenic makeup removal pads and lots of baby wipes! Shampoo, conditioner, face wash, soap, lotion… Everything unscented, of course. Oh, and mouthwash! Perhaps I’ll even provide toothbrushes (with caps to cover the head) and label them. Because OF COURSE I’m the type of person with a label maker. And bobby pins and hair ties! Nothing is more annoying than deciding you want to get your hair out of your dang face and having nothing with which to hold it back.

This is only the surface, focusing on the basic physical items to make a happy set. I’ll be thinking about the more social/communicative side tomorrow. But what else would you want on the set? What would be your fuel-up snack of choice?