Tag Archives: giving

Don’t Be Selfish

Piper gives an erotic blowjob

I read this article on xoJane and absolutely cringed. For a taste of what I’m talking about, here’s just the opening, before the rationalizing begins:

Recently, I had sex with someone and about 10 minutes into our romp, I had a great orgasm. The guy I was sexing, though, didn’t seem to notice and continued to thrust himself in and out of me, until I finally motioned for him to stop. I calmly explained to him that I had just orgasmed.

“Ahh . . . okay,” he responded.

I could tell he was upset. We laid next to one another, awkwardly, for a few moments.

“Is there something wrong?” I finally asked.

“Ummm, don’t you think that’s a bit selfish?” he questioned.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, I didn’t come yet,” he explained.

“And . . . ?” I responded.

So, yes, I do think that’s a bit selfish. If I hear one more thing about refractory periods, I’m going to roll my eyes so far into the back of my head that they might never come back around. Yes, the human body loses a little interest in sex once it’s had an orgasm, and this is true of both men and women to varying degrees from person to person, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t power through and be good, giving lovers who actually care about the other person with whom we’re in bed.

Generally speaking, this idea has been promoted more among men than women, so I guess this article is supposed to be edgy by taking it back and saying that women can do this too. While I’m all for putting yourself first and for not having gendered ideas of how sex should play out, this is the opposite of the way that should go. We should be lifting each other up (and getting each other off) instead of racing to the bottom. Unless you’re racing to be a bottom or do something sexy to a bottom.

So, just know that it is NOT okay to just look out for yourself in sex. Become an enthusiastic giver and you’ll be much more likely to get back, but also, that’s not the point. What do you think of this article? Any redeeming qualities? Or just plain old no?

Giving as Well as Receiving

Clara Montmartre in her first solo video on The Art of Blowjob

You best be giving back! There’s a phenomenal amount of eroticism in oral sex, as you obviously know from but that goes both ways. Of course, not everyone loves oral sex quite as much as we do around these parts, but if you want a blowjob, you should at least be WILLING and enthusiastically so!

Now even Vogue is talking about the issue of men not being giving about oral sex… So when you  show your wild extravagance for giving pleasure with your mouth, you’ll be very en Vogue. What is especially interesting about this is the potential cause that the author finds: porn. “But the fact is, almost all mainstream porn is made by men, for men, and it shows—the aim of the scenes is always to get the man off. As a result, in the real world, many girls and guys think that the aim of sex is to get the man off.”

Frankly, in some sense I don’t disagree, but I also want to figure out how to circumvent this issue, even when it comes to running a site where we are blowjobs ONLY. As weird as it sounds, we’re less inclined to cater specifically/exclusively to men, even as a site where men are the sole recipients of physical sexual pleasure. We are a niche, but even still we try to have a conversation about mutual pleasure and the pleasure of giving pleasure. This is especially confusing as a woman making porn and wanting everyone to enjoy it and benefit from its existence.

She states an interesting fact: “I love porn and watch it often—probably too often—but I also know that it’s artificial entertainment. Porn is great for many things, but learning how to genuinely please a woman is not one of them.”

As I focus more and more on making blowjob education an integral part of my work, I’m realizing how useful and important it can be to really break down different techniques for all sex acts, as it may just empower both givers and receivers to have a better experience. There’s so much anxiety about doing something right for some of us… And others could probably use a little more focus on doing so! So what do I do as I work for a blowjob site? Do I make how-to videos for other sex acts on my own time? Do I try to integrate it into the site somehow? Do I push for new sites with new niches focusing on other things?

What do you think could be done to bring a more balanced sense of pleasure in porn, both in general and speaking specifically about The Art of Blowjob?

The Pleasure of Giving Pleasure

In explaining what this site is about, we certainly mention the aesthetic beauty of the videos and the markedly different way we portray blowjobs, but in a more simple view, this site is about the pleasure of giving pleasure. In particular, we’ve chosen to focus on blowjobs on this site, but the message goes beyond the act itself… There is something intensely erotic and special about finding a way to be genuinely enthusiastic about giving pleasure. In a sense, it’s a selfless act, but in finding actual arousal in giving sexual pleasure, it’s not simply an act of charity.

For many, this is a visceral and sensually-based phenomenon. The orally-fixated are turned on by using their mouths. For others, it’s based on a kind of power, as being able to give orgasms is a truly amazing thing. Sometimes it’s rooted in some variation of empathy, since watching someone writhing in pleasure triggers memories of experiencing that same kind of pleasure. It’s also just exciting to be skilled, and to feel sexy and strong in your sexuality liberates arousal in and of itself. There are so many ways to find this within yourself, and it helps you infinitely as a lover and even just as a sexual being.

This website isn’t saying that anyone wants to give blowjobs and only blowjobs. It’s a niche site, and it doesn’t exist within a vacuum. It’d be sheer fantasy to say that you can always receive and only receive and never have to give in return, but there is an even more exciting reality in learning to love how to give pleasure together, and then taking turns on each other. Even as a blowjob site, we hope to create a broader understanding of how to be sexually enthusiastic.