Tag Archives: partner

Don’t Be Selfish

Piper gives an erotic blowjob

I read this article on xoJane and absolutely cringed. For a taste of what I’m talking about, here’s just the opening, before the rationalizing begins:

Recently, I had sex with someone and about 10 minutes into our romp, I had a great orgasm. The guy I was sexing, though, didn’t seem to notice and continued to thrust himself in and out of me, until I finally motioned for him to stop. I calmly explained to him that I had just orgasmed.

“Ahh . . . okay,” he responded.

I could tell he was upset. We laid next to one another, awkwardly, for a few moments.

“Is there something wrong?” I finally asked.

“Ummm, don’t you think that’s a bit selfish?” he questioned.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, I didn’t come yet,” he explained.

“And . . . ?” I responded.

So, yes, I do think that’s a bit selfish. If I hear one more thing about refractory periods, I’m going to roll my eyes so far into the back of my head that they might never come back around. Yes, the human body loses a little interest in sex once it’s had an orgasm, and this is true of both men and women to varying degrees from person to person, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t power through and be good, giving lovers who actually care about the other person with whom we’re in bed.

Generally speaking, this idea has been promoted more among men than women, so I guess this article is supposed to be edgy by taking it back and saying that women can do this too. While I’m all for putting yourself first and for not having gendered ideas of how sex should play out, this is the opposite of the way that should go. We should be lifting each other up (and getting each other off) instead of racing to the bottom. Unless you’re racing to be a bottom or do something sexy to a bottom.

So, just know that it is NOT okay to just look out for yourself in sex. Become an enthusiastic giver and you’ll be much more likely to get back, but also, that’s not the point. What do you think of this article? Any redeeming qualities? Or just plain old no?

Blowjobs > Blowouts

I’ve never really understood the whole post-Christmas need to buy stuff. I mean, I’m not a big Black Friday fan either, but at least it makes sense given that it kicks off the holiday shopping season in some way. As for leaving the comfort of your home to brave hoards of people… That just sounds like my idea of hell. I get that the Boxing Day Blowout mentality is all about all about more, more, more, so maybe it’s just not my cup of tea in general, but I’d much rather enjoy the spoils of a house all to myself, especially with a lover. In a sense, I say let the rest of the family/friends/roommate slough through the crowds in search of bargains… I’ll either stay home and have hot, crazy sex while they’re in line at Best Buy or unwind with some porn, being as loud as I damn well please while they’re trying to grab the last pair of size 7 boots. Sometimes orgasms are just better when you make some unbridled noise, even by yourself, and that’s what having the place to yourself is all about.

So, what have you been up to over the past few days? Did you get a little quality sexy time? I managed to have an old flame (a guy I had a crush on in high school whom I briefly dated last year) over for a catch up. Let’s just say that sometimes things mature nicely with age… Nothing sexy happened on the spot. We were very civil, though I was sure to have flawless makeup, a little extra cleavage, flowing hair and just happened to be pulling freshly baked chocolate chip cookies out of the oven when he arrived… I like to flag my dateability in a big way… But afterwards, flirty texts of mutual acknowledgment were exchanged, so who knows? Maybe 2014 will bring a positive second chance. Third chance? I don’t know if we count little crushes from over a decade ago.

I hope you’re all having a lovely time, either with new gadgets or with a sigh of relief after a moment to reconnect with yourself/your partner. The denouement of the year is all about enjoying the things that please you. For me, I’m more about the blowjobs than the blowouts. I think one of my resolutions might be more blowjobs in 2014… Though the past few months have been sorely lacking, it’ll be daunting to beat my 2013 record for the first 3/4 of the year. What about you?